it's love ;

Saturday, August 23, 2014 10:13 AM

5/7/13

Depression is something that coats everything with a bitter taste

Nothing you do is ever good enough

Nothing about you is ever good enough.

However hard you try, pushing against expectations and cool, calm stares,

Nothing ever gives:

You will always be on the outside

loved ;

10:08 AM

14/5/14

Deadweight

Dragging down to the depths

Of an unknown, Far beyond any imagination.

You would not notice its gentle pull at first. Perhaps you might even welcome

Its slight resistance. But as the days trudge on, the grindstone continually behind, tripping you up every

Now and then, the one and only all-consuming wish to cut the ties and

Break free.

loved ;

10:06 AM

7/8/14

I think that this is the happiest I'll ever be in a long while. No abusive friends, no bullies at choir and work. Really, the only flies in the ointment are my father, sister, and myself.

Family is something I can choose. Yes, of course I could decide to up and go but that really isn't an option considering that I'm very much still a dependent. Besides, how can I leave mummy behind?

But my self, that's something I can work on. The only person really pushing me over the edge is myself, the rest are just external forces but if I'm resilient enough, I won't cross over. A pity a supportive family is one of the factors influencing resilience. Still, there are other factors, and mummy's always supportive even if she doesn't understand and doesn't want to know more.

So, Rhoda kwan, get your shit together. You are more than the sum of your parts. You are a sentient being with an impact on your surroundings too. So help yourself, for the world will never help you

loved ;

10:02 AM

so tired of all of this. the drama, the tantrums, the demarcation of first and second class. and i find myself wishing more than ever to just leave.

but running away never solved anything.

and i still wish that my first reaction isn't anger or sadness or self-pity. i wish that i was a better person such that my first reaction is to respond with a soft word, with humility, with love.

people will always wrong us, people will always hurt us. no matter who, when, or what, that just is the way of life. everyone is naturally selfish, it's something that just is because we can only inhabit our minds. no matter how much we try to see things from others' points of view, we are still limited by our own perspectives. recognising this, i want to try harder to be less selfish, to understand when people are lashing out just because they're hurt or angry. i need to be better.

not of myself, but of Him.

loved ;