goodbye childhood.

i hate the feeling of being so helpless, so afraid, so unsure.
i hate it

why can't i be stronger?

and everytime i'm building myself up,
you just have to come in and tear me down
leaving me in the bits and pieces of my broken dreams again.

amidst tears


little girls cry
big girls cry too

but i won't
and never will again


this is the last time

i know i really should forgive
but i can't

it's just too hard
like everytime i'm nearly there, being able to forgive you and maybe forget it all, you have to rake it all up by going even further
how can i not hate you?

but after the hatred and anger has died down
all that's left is emptiness
nothing can ever fill that hole -
love, friends, singing -
nothing

family just is something that cannot be replaced
just my luck that i never did have one

let the rain wash through
clouds of worry breaking apart
into rain

goodbye

i'll hide in my corner and cry now

序

有时候会有些想念
他乡里温暖的阳光
那是我可以避雨的地方
有时候会有些彷徨
直到你来到我身旁
保护我像妈妈的手一样

这个时候你是我温暖的翅膀
让我飞到最安全角落

但愿你一直守护我
用力的紧紧拥抱我
陪着我找那下一步的我
但愿你一直听着我
我唱着的歌你会懂
还在说我的眼眶里已经泪光闪烁

有时候会有些想念
他乡里温暖的阳光
那是我可以避雨的地方
有时候会有些彷徨
直到你来到我身旁
保护我像妈妈的手一样

这个时候你是我温暖的翅膀
让我飞到最安全角落

但愿你一直守护我
用力的紧紧拥抱我
陪着我找那下一步的我
但愿你一直听着我
我唱着的歌你会懂
还在说我的眼眶里已经泪光闪烁

and i think only fish leong can make me happy now

and i'm confused

which doesn't help matters
that, i know

i've calculated.

if i sold every single item on my store blog that has not been sold before or reserved, i'll earn $222.10 and that will be more than enough to cover all the initial costs(i think. i hope)

sigh.

would anyone purchase items from my store blog?

what on earth am i doing?

maybe jill's right. i shouldn't be counselling him now. i mean like i'm helping him to get over me and that sounds iffy on its own. what should i do?

i can't exactly leave him in the lurch like that.
that's what made ruixian psychotic for almost a year. actually more than that.
and i don't want that to happen to him.
i want him to be happy

but that sounds really dumb cos he's unhappy because i left him

okay, i seriously don't make sense.
can anyone come and make sense of this for me?
or rather, come and make sense of me.

will i ever settle down?

but you do know that i love you, don't you?

but you probably don't.
and i don't blame you.

i just can't seem to stay put in a relationship for long.
maybe like what she said, i'm a free spirit.

but for how long?

i don't know whether i should have done what i've done.
but then again, it's already done, what can i do about it?

maybe i should just learn to accept.
after all, i have to learn how to be more responsible.
responsible for my own actions.
i really cannot make it when it comes to being responsible for my own actions. i think my strength is in running away from problems.
why can't i just face them squarely?
i'm just chock full of cowardice.

and i couldn't even look at you in the eye today. trying to avoid looking at you or even acknowledging your presence.

i'm sorry.
i just can't.
even if i want to i'm just too weak.

i'm not strong enough.
not yet.

full stop.

and i find myself being attracted to you.
sheesh.

that fairytale ending
when would mine come?

just read the ending of fruits basket. if only things could be that simple. just an 'i love you', and everything would fall into place, so safe, secure, beautiful. so right.

if only

why can't love be simpler? just an 'i love you', and no other qualifiers required.

if only things weren't so complicated

if we weren't so full of pride, if we were simpler, or just simply more trusting.

fairytales always speak of 'i love you'
reality gives 'i love you, but...'

why can't we just drop all the additional qualifiers.
all the insecuirities, the pride and egos, the mind games, the whatever.

"捧在手心上珍惜"

sotto watashi wo dakishimete kureru

anata no hoshi ni naritai itsuka

sunao na kimochi no mama de
issho ni iraremasu youni

Ima doko ni iru no?
Ima dare to iru no?

hanaretemo
Kawaranai to yakusoku shita noni

拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望

王子骑白马

属于我们的童话

that's all i'll ever ask for.
i think.

back from australia.

and everything's so much more complicated. sometimes i just feel like shooting myself for my stupidity. i can never seem to look at the big picture. sigh.

wonder if anyone can be like juntao. he's so much nicer to her than any other guy i know. really hope that a guy like him can like me. i think it'll be so much better. ohwells.

do you have a plaster?
i've fallen for you.

rhoda
3o1o91
nus

fashion-amour

love(:

maybe next time when i'm strong enough(:

none for the moment