okay i remembered what i wanted to post. lol.



lie down in eternal rest

i am so tired.

and i don't know why. do you?

i just want to forget everything for the moment and just fade away. like the bleaching of colours on photographs till they are no more.

just like that. simple and sweet. no fuss at all.

cos it's just too complicated and tiring to continue living. cos it's just too hard to fight a losing battle. cos it's just too demeaning to always sacrifice my self-confidence to boost someone else's ego. cos it's just too emotionally draining to keep wondering if she still hates me and if she will do anything to me. cos..

i could think of a hundred and one reasons to die, to simply give up and allow myself to be consumed by the unrelenting flow of life's rapid waters.

不过，就这么离开，我觉得很不甘愿。我哪里比不上她呢？

sigh. 人就是这么的奇怪

so i won't bother about anything else. i won't give up, but i won't fight either.

like driftwood, i'll go where the waters bring me

like ohmygoodness.

my sister is officially a bitch. oops. i'm not supposed to use that word. but nvm. she always uses the f word on me despite being told repeatedly not to do so therefore i presume i can do that too if not my parents would be guilty of having double standards. not that they don't have any to begin with. but at least mummy's not that bad. but if she dares to scold me for calling ka-jie a bitch then she is most obviously guilty of having double standards and like everyone knows, i don't respect people with double standards. at all.

actually i wanted to post about other nicer things but due to my sister and her horribly immature and overbearing behaviour, i have been so severly affected that my stm has acted up again and i can't remember what i wanted to post already. ohwells.

boo. that was my first attempt at a shape poem and it didn't work very well. stupid blogger. it was much much prettier with all the spaces. ohwells.

thanks
for stripping away the last of my defences
for belittling me once more
for using me as a weapon against me
for using me to boost your ego

thanks
alot.

and you wonder why i don't want to spend time at home?

i think i've found the cause of my cold spells

sprinkled dust in the unused attic of my heart
will i ever find the key?

or maybe it has always been with me

your hand k
n
o
c
k
s it down again
that fragile piece of porcelain
will it s h a t t e r or will it just break ?
will it be able to withstand it once more just once more
or will this be it's swan's

song?

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!(:

i don't know why but i feel super tired. must be the lack of sleep for the past week. came back early from grandpa's house with the intention of going back for dinner after 2hrs and slept for 4 hrs straight. in the end i didn't go back. papa and mama brought food back from grandpa's house for ka-jie and me. just can't believe that i'm such a pig larh. slept so much.

and i just yawned despite the fact that i've only been awake for 3 hrs.

小手拉大手

还记得那场音乐会的烟火
还记得那个凉凉的深秋
还记得人潮把你推向了我
游乐园拥挤的正是时候
一个夜晚坚持不睡的等候
一起泡温泉奢侈的享受
有一次日记里愚蠢的困惑
因为你的微笑幻化成风
你大大的勇敢保护着我
我小小的关怀喋喋不休
感谢我们一起走了那么久
又再一起回到凉凉深秋
给你我的手像温柔野兽
把自由交给草原的辽阔
我们小手拉大手
一起交游今天别想太多
你是我的梦
像北方的风
却正能帮我悠扬的哀愁
今天加油向昨天挥挥手

又一起回到凉凉深秋
我们一直就这样向前走
却正南方暖洋洋的哀愁
lalala...
今天为我加油舍不得挥挥手

<3

sometimes waiting can be a chore and such a bore. but at other times it's simply filled with sweetness. yesterday was the latter. today it's a mix. hmm. i can be so impossible to please at times. lol.

and stupid me fell asleep on the table without doing lit so i'm chionging it now but am failing miserably since i'm in such a chinese new year mood. rahh.

and i can't go shopping with jill and pris and the guys tml cos i have to go for the stupid mri scan! boo! and it's like i totally forgot about it till mummy reminded me during dinner. sigh. no more watching movie for me.

ohwells. at least i managed to drink jelly tea and eat croquette today.(:

relationships in class are gradually becoming better. which is good. haha. like i can talk to almost everyone already. except for her of course. she's still blatantly against me though i doubt she can stay that way for long since eveyone else is becoming okay with me again. but of course she can always instigate sth else again. sigh. kind of scary being in the same class/cca as her. ohwells. just have to live with it i guess. dear Lord please help me regarding her and protect me against her wiles and help me not to tread on the wrong side of her. in Jesus' name i pray amen.

sales have gone up a little but i still haven't broken even yet. which is bad. but ohwells. must perservere! is that the way you spell it? haha. my spelling is getting from bad to worse man. and my chinese too. o lvl higher chinese is so going to be horrid. gahh.

and the stars yesterday were beautiful.

ohohoh. haven't been posting for quite some time. but just have been very busy cos teachers are inhuman at times and just dump so much homework on you that you very nearly drown. but somehow or rather, i managed to reach the shore this time. and i guess we all know the answer? haha.

this week has been really sweet. i know that i shouldn't expect so much especially after all that i've done. so i'll just be happily contented with whatever i have. in fact just this is enough, more than enough. you've given me enough love to last me for the rest of my lifetime. it's just something that i haven't really been enjoying much so just having this little bit is good enough. thank you.(:

i won't long for that picture anymore. this is sufficient.

ooh i love zi lian-ing! haha. yuxuan and zhuofei's phones bear my mark of zilianing now!! hahaha. hope they don't change the wallpaper. lol.

I LOVE THE SISTAS MAN.

really had lots of fun yesterday catching up on stuff, talking, playing around, acting spastic. haha! and i'm really glad that the sista spirit is still strong! just so sad that wen couldn't come. ohwells, there's always next time!(: and i suddenly realised that although i'm not very close to diane anymore, and though our relationship had soured for quite some time, but i really do love her lots and i think i'll miss her. and i feel kind of bad for being so mean to her previously and now she's flying off to australia so there really isn't much chance of a proper makeup. boo. but there's always msn! haha.

though i really miss the times when i was in dunman and all the sistas were together, i think that 现在也蛮不错. haha. it's this feeling that i've been searching for all my life, the feeling of being wanted, the feeling of actually belonging. and i'm really contented knowing that i've found that which i needed. thank you so much sistas!

we are the love!((:

I AM JUST SO IRRITATED.

don't talk to me. you've upset my balance. and that matters loads to me, even if i'm not a libra.

RAHH.

rhoda
3o1o91
nus

fashion-amour

love(:

maybe next time when i'm strong enough(:

none for the moment