Lord, keep my focus on You

sometimes i live my life just as You've planned
other times i struggle to obey Your commands
choices i make each day determine if i'll obey
and follow You, trusting You guide me i pray

Lord, keep my focus on You each day
though i am tempted to go my own way
help me to trust in You to live my life to honour You
Lord, keep my focus on You

trials surround me Lord, i cry in despair
though i know You're with me and You hear every prayer
open my eyes to see that You know what's best for me
You're ever near, calm my fear, this is my plea

Lord, keep my focus on You each day
though i am tempted to go my own way
help me to trust in You to live my life to honour You
Lord, keep my focus on You

humbly i follow You, sharing Your Word
praising You, Lord Jesus for Your love unreserved
guide me to do Your Will, to lead those in darkness still
a shining light, burning bright, Your plan fulfill

Lord, keep my focus on You each day
though i am tempted to go my own way
help me to trust in You to live my life to honour You
Lord, keep my focus on You
Lord, keep my focus on You

my backbone hurts
and reuben is the ultimate funnyman(:

anyway i'm really very confused
should i, or should i not?

or maybe mr weakest link's info is wrong
but then again it most probably will happen
but i'm so unprepared!
and i don't think i want anything right now
cos i'm not even sure whether what i feel for him is well, love
maybe it's just attraction?
i don't know

all i know is that maybe we're taking things a little too fast
maybe we should just slow down our pace and take a stroll together
i think that'll be much better

sheesh
it's probably going to be today

it's oddly comforting
watching a bunch of virtual termites eat up your computer screen
they nibble away bit by bit
going in circles and random directions
they almost seem to have a purpose in life
nevermind if it's just to entertain over-bored people like me
at least they're not over bored

i seem to have a vague memory of strong arms carrying me
strong but gentle
quietly supporting me when i was in need
arms that laid me on the sofa covered me with a blanket

it probably was you
since johnnie's arms aren't that skinny(oops!)

thank you
aishiteru<3

i don't know anymore

i really should stop thinking so much
but it does make me wonder.....
can love come about within 14 weeks?
that sounds like attraction to me

then again, i'll have to pose that question to myself too

placid docility

just to hone my acting skills
for the few hours i actually spend at home

speak only when spoken to
an expressionless visage
dainty, controlled movements
eyes always lowered to the ground
never denying, always acknowledging

sweet silence
and always that docile expression

there will be no more life or spark in the girl that lives at home
just a puppet, a marionette, without a will of her own

for i can be a harvard duck
and you will never be able to get to the real me

and it takes more than an ice cream to try to make peace
if you actually have the sincerity, then actually think about what you can do to change, to put things right
but then again, you never did have that sincerity
and i can't expect much from a unicellular organism either
i'm fair

dizzy with happiness

today was a crazy day
but i loved every bit of it
cos you light up my life

and thanks for summoning the rain and the sunset(:

we should do this more often

there is something seriously wrong with me

and i don't want to discuss it
so i shan't

goodnight

and anyway, i think i'm getting a little too obsessed.
shit

results are back.

and i honestly am quite disappointed.
but it was kind of expected i guess.
putting in effort for two subjects will definitely take a toll on my other subs. it's just to be expected.
just that i had hoped that they could maintain. just that i had hoped that they could be sustained.
just that i had hoped i could be promoted.

well, let's just look at my la results and hope all the overalls come out well.
>.<

maybe we just never were meant to be
it's like just a little over 2 weeks and everything's frozen up

or maybe i'm asking for too much
maybe talking to me is a pain, or a chore,
since everyone else doesn't really talk to me either

it's not anyone's fault
but mine

it's funny how it's the people that you least expected who notice.
maybe they're the one who really matter, who really care?

i don't know anymore.

maybe i should reconsider.
even if that means breaking more hearts):

and i'm just so tired of pretending that i'm okay when i'm not

people don't really care, do they?
all they want is a verbal reassurance that you're fine and trying to be happy and they leave it at that whether you're really happy and fine or not.
and it doesn't help that i'm really good at plastering a smile all over my face when i feel empty and lost inside.
cos everyone looks at the superficial and assumes that i'm fine
when i'm not.

i'm sorry that i'm not strong enough to handle stupid things like this
i just wish i could get over all this truama and stop dwelling on it
fine, it's twice in three days but so what?
you went through it before, and you came out of it stronger.
so why can't you just snap out of it like now?

and don't expect people to wait for you and help pick you up,
cos no one will.
it's only up to you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start running again.
so get up now woman,
you don't go well with the linoleum

a man's touch:
gentle, comforting, loving,
reaching into the depths of soul and heart.
protective and warm,
be it father, lover or son

or so they said.

but i know, oh yes, i do.
a man's touch has nothing to do with love,
nothing to do with care and concern,
much less to protect.

instead, it dominates.
it crushes the soul, easier than the crushing of delicate rose buds,
tearing into the chrysalis of the barely developing butterfly.
instilling fear,
that lust, that want, that longing, that burning in the loins
that only serves to dilate pupils and encourage the wild beating of the heart,
the tensing of the muscles, ready for
flight.

but i won't cry.
as cliche as it is, i'll love to say that big girls don't cry
and though i'm not very big yet, but i've been through enough.
more than enough of life's twists and turns.
i've witnessed the fragility of life
and impending death.
i should be strong enough.

but i'm not.

today brought back unpleasant memories

that look
that gaze
just made me feel so vulnerable and small

i hate you. do you hear?
probably even more than the man at macs in sec2
cos i know who you are
which goes back to the point on vulnerability

no wonder we're called the weaker sex

if disappointment had a taste, it'll be orange juice
not the sweet kind with loads of pulp that makes you happy and wiggle your toes
but the sour kind which is kind of flat and artificial
that's disappointment for you

and don't forget the smell of painkillers
the two just go hand in hand

a single flower - pure, white, untouched -
drawing life from
a glass of water:

green, fleshy stem, cool, round, clear glass.
and water,
cool, clear, and with that slightly bitter taste that accompanies all flowers -
sweetness of scent mingled with that slight bitterness on the
tip of the tongue.

a trickle of red.
thick, sticky liquid
moving down the glass
staining the clarity, the purity, the light.

mixing.
a swirl,
pink plume of flame, passion, rage,
it travelled.

DEFY!
yet motion continued, a never ending cycle,
movement of water molecules bombarded by yet more water molecules.
like the tipping over of a wine glass,
the stain spread
over the cream linen tablecloth.

DEFY!
and so they did,
working hard against gravity, hydrostatic pressure aiding the ardous upward flow.
up, up, up! but not quite
away.

DEFY!

pink plume of flame, passion, rage,
spread out against the white, purity of the single flower.
veins of colour, stark against the green and white
of the subtly ending life.

and i wonder what will happen tml

and asdfghjkl!
i can't rmb the stupid flaubert quote
and i feel so lost without it
rahh

found loads of new editorials(x
but somehow i decided to use this old one
hmm...

and my knees hurt
rahh

but i met up with sher
so i guess overall i'm a happy girl(:

i want to fly
or dance
or paint
or travel

anything really
as long as i'm not me

steal me away
please

and blogger is being irritating and refuses to let me upload pics
rahh

and i hate it now that i can't hear myself anymore
swept up in that tide of i-don't-know what
pushed along with that relentless current
is this really what i want?

it's almost like we're on different frequencies

rhoda
3o1o91
nus

fashion-amour

love(:

maybe next time when i'm strong enough(:

none for the moment