it's love ;

Sunday, April 01, 2012 2:46 PM

the waves of disgust wash over repeatedly with the grey and blue fingers of light playing across the gaping hole disgust and disbelief yes disbelief that despite everything in spite of all that had been read all that was known the situation had come down to this disgust and disbelief and that tantalising promise that those feelings would disappear with the simple act washed away in the flow that was to come if only but no was it fear or just plain rationality whatever it was the feelings were here to stay directed inwards and outwards projection and internalisation or was it subjugation it was always easier to play with words then face those primal urges to disperse unpleasant feelings cowardice yes cowardice nothing more than the fear of losing what was already lost and that downward spiral into a textbook case literally blue and grey that was the colour of the textbook no it doesnt really matter when you think about it oh the second person again its always safer offering that degree of impersonality but who am i fooling that in the end it was just the blue grey wash of light over that darkness that promised to bring away all that disgust at him at her at she at me abstraction never really helps does it just another barrier and fence in the never ending fortifications in the hope that someone something will tear it down but really theres nothing inside dont you see everything was in the barrier and nothing was left to invest in the palace within an empty glass cage

it is easier to just be angry

loved ;

2:03 AM

did cinderella leave the ball at 12 or did she leave after? i always wondered what would happen if her transformation happened right in front of the prince. would he have run away screaming because rags just never goes with riches? or would he understand that she still is the same girl and she never had the intention of lying to him? of course, reality checks never really go well with fairytales. but it never hurts to wonder. especially on late bus rides home, when the passengers are quiet with sleep and the lights twinkle for no one but themselves.

it's been a long time since i've had such a late night out. but i appreciate the quiet after the craziness, a peaceful passage through the deserted town. it's always much prettier and melancholic during christmas. but tonight, was different.

it's not so much the fact that it was past midnight, the witching hour. it was more of the fact that amongst the many on the bus, i was alone, wrapped up in my thoughts, nothing to break the reverie except perhaps a soulful tune filtering through the artificial membranes.

it's been a long time since i've thought. about everything and nothing. it's been a long time since i've contemplated my thoughts and it was nice to know that not everything has to be bundled up along in the hustle of life.

i guess, what i'm saying is, it's been a long time since i was alone.

it was happy; it was sad.

you may or may not be worth it. should i still try? or has the sparkle fallen from my eyes yet again?

i should give up on ever getting us back. i, who threw you away in my quest for another; you, who threw me away in your quest for another; which was which? maybe both. but we were good while we lasted. and i should stop trying to break the glass wall between us, thick as molasses, fluid.

thank you for always being my friend, for bringing my youth back to me. you, will always be remembered.

fragments of thought. but it was a good ride.

loved ;