i guess that's the end

goodbye

why don't you simply leave me alone?
you suck. face it.
stop pretending that you care when you obviously don't
and stop forcing me to do things that i don't want to and have zero aptitude okay?
just go away

hontou ni taisetsu na mono igai subete sutete
shimaetara ii no ni negenjitsu wa tada zankoku de

i will keep smiling, no matter what

我的声音在笑泪在飘

the twig snapped, with a brittle crack
the flower fell, wilted, faded, gone
the butterfly flitting gaily round a blossom jolted,
remembering the end was near
and the moth, the silent, still moth,
dreamt of the flickering passion, the searing heat, the falling apart into
dust

for dust returns to dust,
just as flesh will not last
but fragility remains

with purple clouds of nostalgy
and boxes of strawberry pocky
tunes drift by aimlessly
a mess of discordant sounds

do i care
about this that odds and ends
music art voice crystals nails
do i care

i think about the future and the end
the past present and bleak
crunch went the pocky
a salty pocky

wait wasn't it meant to be strawberry?

keeping you in my heart will suffice

that's what i always say, and tell myself
but i know it'll never work.
today pretty much told me that.

i know i don't have any right to say anything now, so i shan't.

throw everything out the window!

i can't regret, i shan't regret, i must not regret

forget the way you looked at her
forget the way you smiled at her
forget how sweet you were to her
forget how much you cared about her
forget the way you stayed by her side
forget the way you talked to her
forget the way you walked with her
forget forget forget

i wish i could have fainted and died there and then, to spare myself all this heartache
to spare myself all this thinking, all this wondering

at least you inquired about me,
should i be happy or sad?

forget forget forget

was looking through some old entries and saw this

"i just want my ashes to be kept in a pretty little anna sui inspired pink box with black detailing and left somewhere, best forgotten. i think that would be really nice. maybe a white candle with a few white flowers there too?"

and i realised i haven't changed.
i still secretly yearn for that, for that day to come.

somewhere wild, barren, windswept.
that's where i want to be

maybe i just need a twin tower right now.
where's my pillar?

okay. i shall stop talking so much crap.

I LOVE YOU.

hope you got that.

and who said that getting things off your chest makes you feel better?
i just sank deeper.

最后的挣扎
你是否会参与？

陪着我走完最后的日落
手牵着手
一起渐渐地老去

安眠

你是否会参与？




别再妄想了

just who are you kidding

the people who seem strong on the outside are more than often the weakest

i'm already so weak on the outside
how can i be weak on the inside too?

STAY STRONG. STAY HAPPY.

the starry sky

uh......konya mo mata hakanai hoshi zora
uh......hikaru hoshi ni negai o kakeru kara...

Nayami wa itsumo taeru koto mo nai
Keredo tobira wa mo hiraiteiru yo
Fumarete mo taorete mo okiagaru tsuyosa kureta kimi ga
Hokoreru hoshi ni naru tame boku wa utau kara
Ima ijou ni ganbaru kara motto tsuyoku nareru you ni...

Yurugi nai ai konna daiji na ai
Dare yori mo zutto daiji ni omotteru
Fuan na yoru mo tashika ni aru keredo
Makenaide ikiteiku bokura wa...

Unmei nante zankoku na mono de
Yosou nante ne tsukeyou mo nai deshou
Chitteiku kudateiku kedo kono te ni aru
Itami himitsu mochinagara kimi no tame ni boku wa utau kara
Omoeteite shinjiteite wasurenaideite hoshii

Dare datte kitto yowasa o himeteite
Kimi datte kitto honto wa kowai yo ne
Boku datte kitto wakarikitteru kedo
Makenaide ikiteiku bokura wa...

Hakanakute mou naite shimaisou de...
Kanashikute mou tatte irarenai yo

Hakanakute mou naite shimau keredo
kanashikute mou tatte irarenai kedo
Dakedo ne kitto ironna shougai ni
Makenaide ikiteikou bokura wa...

It was fleeting and no more...
There is no need for sadness

and when your ribs hurt for no apparent reason followed by your intestinal area, you know it's time to arrange for a checkup.

but i just can't be bothered.
as usual

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

it's probably some stupid reason like i don't exercise or sth.
medicine never does make sense anyway.

and if i die before i wake
i pray the Lord my soul to take

life is short, but beautiful.
treasure every moment of it.
and don't ever regret.

thank you for giving me the most beautiful moments in my life

anata ga suki....

i shouldn't keep making him suffer due to my own insecuirities. it's not his fault that they're there and it's unfair to him if i try to keep him by my side though i know that we can't really be together cos i can't put my all into this relationship. not just this relationship. but any other relationship too. i just can't bring myself to trust men.

and we all know whose fault it is.

so i can't be with him. can't keep pulling him down with me either. what with my now-i-want-you-with-me-and-now-i-don't attitude. it's just unfair to him.

so i guess i shall just do the only thing i've ever done right in this relationship and that is to let go. let him go free, free to spread his wings and fly, anywhere.

i saw you smiling to her today. maybe i'm just too oversensitive, but it was a nice smile, a sweet one. and i'm sure yall will be a good couple. much better than i could ever do. maybe i'm being selfish again, parcelling you off to someone else, but i just want you to be happy and if being with her makes you happy, i'll be happy too.

i hugged a pillar this afternoon during lang arts when i slipped out for a toilet break. hugged it for a very long time. and it was comforting. really. i guess i'm just too weak. i still am. BE STRONG. though it really is getting increasingly difficult, what with friendships threatening to break and him. thankfully i still have the pillar. at least it isn't all that fragile.

i hope.

i saw you smiling at me
was it real or just my fantasy?

i should stop being so selfish

just let go.

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy?
You would always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
But did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly, but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanna be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
The tears if you're holding back
The pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out and then
You will know that you are not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly, but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

rhoda
3o1o91
nus

fashion-amour

love(:

maybe next time when i'm strong enough(:

none for the moment