it's love ;

Saturday, July 18, 2009 10:31 AM

i refuse to be so affected by you.

it's horrible cos i know that you can't even be bothered with me. and i don't know why i even care. i didn't care till like a few days ago. it's irritating. you already have her okay. so stop bothering me. leave my thoughts at once, thank you very much. i've enough of wondering what was it that went wrong, tired of wondering about how you are now, and it's completely none of my business as to who she is. so please leave my mind right now.

goodbye.

loved ;

Thursday, July 16, 2009 9:13 PM

i shouldn't be letting you affect me so much. you who walked out of my life more than a year ago. you who cut me off just cos you wanted to cut off all ties with church. you who turned your back on me. you who were my one best friend that year. you who i could trust completely. you who i could count on to cheer me up no matter what, to help me regardless of how crazy and dumb requests i made. you who were my beam of sunshine when i was alone walking the knife edge and you came up and took my hand and walked with me back to safety.

i should be happy that you're happy now. she's good for you. even though i don't know her but you're happy and that's all that matters.

i'm happy for you my once-upon-a-time-friend.

i shouldn't have intruded into your life again. i shouldn't have had an outburst when things are already dead and gone. although i might never know what went wrong between us, what caused you to turn away from all you loved, what caused you to renounce your faith, what caused this chasm between us, i should treasure what memories we shared.

and i should be happy that you're happy now.

loved ;

Saturday, July 11, 2009 8:36 PM

i'm really afraid.

revelations have been made this week but everything else is still shrouded in confusion. do i or do i not? if only things were so much more clear cut. and i can't believe i'm self-censoring on this blog. but it is rather scary. i'm afraid of saying it out. it's almost as if i can lie to myself that this is not happening, that this is just a one-off thing as long as i don't spell it out. i'm not sure how long i can continue with this self-denial.

back to is><"

{edit: the rain's back. back to wash everything away.}

loved ;

Friday, July 10, 2009 7:08 PM

this is getting scarier by the moment.

i don't know what to do with myself.

what's wrong with you rhoda kwan?

Lord, please guide me as i'm at my wit's end. only You know what's ahead, what You have planned for me, i will follow Father. please help me oh Lord.

{edit: hurray for blogger! (: there are silver linings in every grey cloud}

loved ;

Friday, July 03, 2009 9:36 PM

and suddenly i wonder, what if...?

and blogger is still being an ass and refusing to let me post up pictures. YOU HORRIBLE THING! hmph.

loved ;