"i'm really very tired of living. i think i'm better off dead than alive. at least my organs can be donated to someone who REALLY wants to live. my corneas can give sight to 2 people, i'm O blood type, so everyone can have my blood, they can cut up my liver and give it to a few people, and 2 people will have new kidneys. seriously, if you think about it that way, i have helped to improve the lives of at least 5 people."

sometimes i just think that way too. but my blood type's B- and i only have 1 kidney. but it'll work fine even if you need two kidneys since i'm obviously still surviving. haha. so that'll be about 4 people saved? hmm.

i have to admit

i'm afraid of commitment
i don't want to be dependant on men
i don't trust men
i don't like feeling vulnerable

which is why it's hard to tell anyone anything
which is why it's especially hard to tell you anything

which is why i feel like leaving you now
cos i've invested too much in this relationship
too much feelings, too much love
the stakes are getting higher and i don't trust myself
and i can't bring myself to trust you either, no matter how hard i try

just what kind of a pig am i?

"Afraid.. To love to little.. to love too much..."
"even if its btw you and them, i'd rlly haf to look at the situation.."
"My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you"
"just bear with the pain and not let it show when i'm with the ones i love am with."

what do you think?

the price of independance and self sufficiency is the tendency to be ignored. simply due to assumptions that your capability will tide you through all circumstances and your needs both physical and emotional are nil.

people just don't think do they?

and obvious biasness is worse than a slap across the face. it inflicts hurt directly to the heart. there's no burning sensation to numb the pain. but then again, you've never bothered to mask it. not then, not now. why should you care?

but then again it's all about different perspectives and needs, isn't it?

heart to heart!

and i've never been so emotional in such a long time

face up to reality darling. don't let him clip your wings any longer. break out of the cage
-- and fly!

remember the butterfly, the resilient caterpillar curled up in its tiny cocoon

no one can break in! tear away!

and porcelain is always more exquisite cracked
who cares about varnish?

strength to withstand
that's what matters

strip away the facade!
but i will remain

(:

like ripples descending outwards,
spreading disturbance,
we are carried along.

fanning the flames,
breaking new ground,
like ripples descending outwards.

struggle you may,
try to escape!
but we are carried along.

silence is the essence,
don't sound the alarm!
like ripples descending outward.

the viper has bitten,
the poison has spread,
and we are carried along.

the seed is planted,
the revolution will start,
like ripples descending outwards,
we are carried along.

seriously, don't emo

and don't pretend that everything's fine cos you're just making me worry even more

but you're always oblivious anyway

or maybe i'm the oblivious one

first choir prac.

what can i say?
i'm super lousy super lousy super lousy super lousy
like SUPER LOUSY

sigh.

17 songs to learn. plus 2 which i don't have the scores for.
thankfully i sort of know no man is an island. which is kind of gross actually cos i know the sop1 part so it's super hard to learn the sop2 part now. like URGH. i get most of it except for this irritating part where i go ABSOLUTELY OUT OF TUNE. like i'm following this thin line between the sop 1 and 2 parts? urgh.

and it happens alot.
most of the time when there are split notes i'll sing the sop1 part before realising my mistake and switching down. but i can never switch in time/get influenced by the sop1s and sing this weird note totally out of nowhere. actually it's not really out of nowhere. it's just the note between sop1 and 2. and if it's a range then i'm just somewhere smack in the middle or sth. boo.

i feel totally horrible cos like i'm pulling the sop standard down? sigh. and i felt so bad whenever gen(g?)rong started talking about split notes cos he's obviously talking about me. sighh.

maymay did warn me about this i guess. that's why i shall stop wallowing in self pity(urgh) and start working harder. go rhoda! you can do this with God's help(:

let's start with the syf pieces then. and i have no clue how 2 of them sound like><"

standing tall

is all i really need to do

do disapproving stares bother me?

as long as i know i'm not hurting anyone
nor going against my consience
i believe i have nothing to fear

then what is that little fluttering at the
bottom?

cracked crystal notes
walking on shattered glass
straining, gasping, reaching forwards to that light

empty replies

would i get in? i doubt so. but at least i know i tried.

go girl!

smile(:

i don't mind doing the silly things that i'm prone to doing now and then if not just to see your smile
i don't mind writing my weird not-quite-poems if not to hear your laughter

am i dumbing down?

cracked and faded tapestry
dimmed colours of another time and place
barely captured under a thin film of dust and grime - protector or destroyer?

tracing patterns on the windowpane
cicadas call
the wind sings through the grove
resting against cold dust, the rain beats round

little frog
protected under my coconut shell

a thread joins this to that
barely touching
will we meet?

little tremors sent up one end and immediately received
is it a message or
just a shiver of delight?

that orange light flashes again
wonders of wonders!
msn is on again

liyun and kah mei!

hilarious chem teachers just seem to come our way.

and auditions tml!

should i should i not? anyone has any way to help me decide?

flip a coin!

heads or tails?

choir guitar choir guitar choir guitar writers' circle choir guitar choir guitar health choir guitar choir guitar cliques choir guitar choir guitar

choice?

i want to see you smile

that's all.

and i realise i can be incredibly simplistic at times

____________________

when lines should be drawn, draw them

don't hesitate

the waiting only makes it worse

and do you know that it hurts?

when confusion sets it and that dreaded punctuation pops out
white clouds of dust and unsettled thoughts
did we ever meet each other?

fate is drawn out in lines straight and curved
it's just a game of joining the dots

like you never lost a game
while i spent my time in the stands gawking at the impossible pictures

and when i saw the pair of parallel lines i knew my fate was sealed

it's just a game of dice where the players win by the
piles of broken hearts, like toothpicks when five-year-olds play blackjack

don't you love it when the stakes are piled high
and you elatedly sweep in

will you be satisfied?

is this it?

it's come again


this feeling of discontent, of want bubbling over, words spilling and tumbling over each other in an eager effort to get out, to be released, to be free. will it stay?

i hope so

kind of miss it a little. staying high and dry may be a nice thing to do but it is admittedly rather boring. who cares if anyone finds that i'm trying to hard to be an artsy fart? too bad for no one in particular i guess. it just doesn't affect me.

now stop being redundant

and don't be the moth flinging itself into the midst of the flame in a fit of passion or fancy
it's just a masquerade!
parade your feelings on paper hearts pinned to your sleeves

billowing material
glitter and gloss with sparkles used sparingly
it's just a masquerade!
dance the night away
lose sense to the winds in the depths

and when the streaks of pink appear, brush away the crumbs of memory and walk away
it's just a masquerade!

just slashed the prices of four items: amethyst love, butterfly garden, dewdrop and winter aurora which haven't been sold for very long. sigh. if this continues i'll be making a loss. boo. but guess it has to be done. hope people will purchase them soon.

too dispirited to blog about anything.

sorry glitterfloss

rhoda
3o1o91
nus

fashion-amour

love(:

maybe next time when i'm strong enough(:

none for the moment