it's love ;

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 10:19 PM

a day of surprises.

okay, one surprise. but a huge one at that.

i'm still kind of reeling from the shock, but it's a good thing i guess. at least things are moving on, nvm that it's on an exponential curve. and i actually like the polaroid. haha. pig's cute anyhow.

still, weird.

it's like 2 years of silence and faint greetings before whoa, one hour msn convo and two days later, a polaroid. like seriously whoa. (and suddenly hugh jackman appears in my mind. okay whatever) may and jill are thoroughly amused. though they both agree that it's better this way.

am happy(: maybe there's still hope for friendship after all.

{edit: WHAT IS WRONG WITH BLOGGER?! UPLOAD MY PICTURE LARH YOU HORRIBLE BIT OF IT!}

loved ;

Saturday, June 20, 2009 5:41 PM

played all the songs we used to play in the choir room that november. where we would amuse ourselves with music on the piano and guitar and just while the hours away. things were simple then. maybe they still are now, just that i can't see it. but i miss those times. when all we needed were the two of us.

a quote from eva's blog:"If I find it so hard to love myself, why would you?"

and i wish things were different. if only..

but things will never turn out the way we want them to, or we could just simply run the world.

with nothing but your t-shirt on

loved ;

3:56 PM

hey, let me tell you now

oh baby

trying to decide, trying to decide

if i really wanna go out tonight

i never used to go out without ya

not sure i remember how to

gonna be late, gonna be late

but all my girls gon have to wait

cause i don't know if i like my outfit

i tried everything in my closet

nothing feels right when i'm not with you

sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos

taking them off cause i feel a fool

trying to dress up when i'm missing you

i'ma step out of this lingerie

curl up in a ball with something Hanes

in bed i lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on, oh

with nothing but your t-shirt on, hey

gotta be strong, gotta be strong

but i'm really hurting now that you're gone

i thought maybe i'd do some shopping

but i couldn't get past the door

and now i don't know, now i don't know

if i'm ever really gonna let you go

and i couldn't even leave my apartment

i'm stripped down, torn up about it it

nothing feels right when i'm not with you

sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos

taking them off cause i feel a fool

trying to dress up when i'm missing you

i'ma step out of this lingerie

curl up in a ball with something Hanes

in bed i lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on

(i'm all by myself with)

with nothing but your t-shirt on, oh

with nothing but your t-shirt on

(cause i miss you, cause i miss you)

with nothing but your t-shirt on

(said i miss you baby)

trying to decide, trying to decide

if i really wanna go out tonight

i couldn't even leave my apartment

i'm stripped down, torn up about it

nothing feels right when i'm not with you

sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos

taking them off cause i feel a fool

trying to dress up when i'm missing you

i'ma step out of this lingerie

curl up in a ball with something Hanes

in bed i lay, hey hey

nothing feels right when i'm not with you

sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos

taking them off cause i feel a fool

trying to dress up when i'm missing you

(cause i miss you)

i'ma step out of this lingerie

curl up in a ball with something Hanes

in bed i lay, (i would be in bed) with nothing but your t-shirt on

said i got nothing but your t-shirt on, hey

(cause i want to be close to you)

with nothing but your t-shirt on

(i remember when you would like to see me)

with nothing but your t-shirt on, hey

nothing but your t-shirt on

(let me tell you now)

nothing but your t-shirt on

with nothing but your t-shirt on

loved ;

Thursday, June 18, 2009 12:35 PM

NEED TO STOP THINKING. NEED TO CONCENTRATE ON STUDYING. NEED TO FORGET EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED FOR THE PAST ONE YEAR FIVE MONTHS AND TWENTY FOUR DAYS. NEED TO WORK HARD.

i need a perfect boy right now.

{edit: this is what i mean by a perfect boy.

*swoons*}

loved ;

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 10:00 AM

it's been a long time.

but i'm back to square one again. i think.

yesterday was a whole round of having people tiptoe around my feelings and subtle therapy. i'm glad that i have such great girls like pris and jill who just let me crash their day without any prior warning and a great mom who's still trying her utmost best to cheer me up without being too obvious about it. lol. retail therapy while searching for a gift for yinhong. trawled bugis and bugis street for stuff before finding the most perfect little clutch every imaginable(: we added other things too larh. but really really love the clutch! jill doens't like it though. haha. she's so predictable. then it was jill's place where we lolled all over her grandma's bed. feel pretty bad about that actually><" and he's just not that into you! wow. i just love that show. it is so cute. really. haha. laughed alot and jill and i kept aww-ing at the same bits with the same tone and all. lol! we are such typical girls. come to think about it, maybe their choice of movie was for therapy's sake or maybe i'm just over analysing things. then met up with mom for sakae. like seriously. since when did we eat sakae for no reason? haha. but ohwells. talked abit with mom and i guess there's really only one thing for me to do whether or not he ever calls me again. and that is to move on with life. much as i don't want to and much as i miss him and feel like maybe i should be the one to make the first move, it just doesn't really fit in since i've already did what i could. and besides, who wants to be gigi, living her life round her phone, waiting for a call that will never come? or mary who has to be rejected by seven different technologies each day. that was funny just as much as it was sad. typical chick flick i guess. we try so hard to make our troubles seem so small even though what we really want is for someone to understand us and realise that we're just trying to be strong and this really isn't us. and most of the time, we don't have an alex who actually knows and can be there for us. most of the time, all we're stuck with is ourselves, our girlfriends and our determination to carry on.

seriously, guys are the new girls. because they're just so wimpy and all and love to broadcast their minute troubles and pains to the world so that the world can just fall head over heels in trying to console them. and they just love acting. and still think that they are right. and we silly girls actually believe them when they manipulate things making us think that the problem is in our own insecurities. it almost seems as if there's this manual which all guys are supposed to read the day they turn nine and then they can hone their craft till they are masters at it by thirteen. it's crazy. every single guy is like that. ohwells. what can we do, the perfect guy died like 2000 years ago and is sitting in heaven right now watching me. all other men are like pathetic little imitations of him. they don't even have the balls to admit their mistakes or even look their mistakes in the eye. like oh whatever. i should just become a nun and be "married" to Jesus since He's the perfect guy, nvm that He's currently in heaven.

it is good to realise what's actually wrong with keith and i. it feels good really. to finally be able to detach myself from all of it and then realise how stark everything is. it's no longer alright to blind myself to his faults and keep thinking that as long as i work at it, things will be fine because things won't be fine. i can change myself till i'm no longer myself and things still will not be fine if he doesn't change and well, men never change because they don't even see the need to change. i start to see bits of my father and grandfather in him and i'm like no! i dont' want to be another mummy, another grandmummy. no!

it feels good actually. now it's just the long process of weaning myself off him and learning to find myself again. God willing, i might find my own alex, but if not, i can just be a beth. after all there are more women than men in the world so i could always be one of the guy-less girls for the rest of my life or sth. though it might not actually be a bad thing.

loved ;