it's love ;

Saturday, April 23, 2011 7:06 PM

and everytime i think that maybe things will get better, something happens and triggers that instinct within me, to bolt, run, escape, while i still can.

it's just difficult living with these insecurities. although i know that the logical leap is completely illogical, it still is difficult to ignore the possibility, no matter how slight. what if...? it's a scary thought. and i really don't want things to be like this. but i can't possibly keep running my whole life, can i?

well, i know that that's not what i want. at least i know that.

loved ;

Friday, April 22, 2011 9:43 PM

actually, just now, i was sort of half awake for awhile. though my first instinct was to get up, i didn't. cos i think your shoulder's really warm and comfortable(:

loved ;

Saturday, April 09, 2011 8:59 PM

i really don't like the fact that every single time the exams roll around, my brain is in creative overdrive, churning out ridiculous ideas and concepts of just about everything, over analysing every single minute detail, caught up in yet another fantasy world. even my dreams become so much more colourful, and dense, and realistic.

is this another form of procrastination? a sort of implicit want within me to distract myself from the pressing issues at hand. or is this a coping mechanism? the more i feel the pressures from academia or the like, the more i conjure my pretty little world where everything works perfectly and i am free to indulge myself in whatever wacky idea i come up with. (yes, i have not forgotten my popcorn idea from the pre-a-level period)

although i feel that this is something that i enjoy, an avenue to let off some steam and just relax or get excited about an absolutely crazy notion (a sort of mania? hmm..), it also takes up a lot of time, invaluable time that should be poured into studying or doing something more useful. living in one's head is fine and good if one's a hermit, which i am not. and it does kind of stink that most anti-procrastination measures do not work in this case. like, how do i remove the distraction? i do need my head very much thank you.

and i shall go back to studying. or thinking about how i can mix and match my nail polishes for different finishes><"

loved ;

Wednesday, April 06, 2011 11:11 PM

if talking about christianity just gives me a heavy heart, what does that say about the state of my spiritual walk with Him? ):

loved ;

4:30 PM

'completed DNA strands contain only about one mistake in every 100 million to 1 billion base pairs (in humans, usually less than one per chromosome per replication)'

sometimes, i really wonder at the chances in life. faced with odds like these, how does one account for mutations and the like? i do believe that this gives God a lot more credit for such than what people usually do. not that i'm blaming Him or anything, but really, the stats say it all. well, at least i'm convinced.

things happen for a reason. i may not know them, but i hope that one day, i will.

and every now and then, at times like these, i still feel a spark of incredulity that anyone would actually accept this. but then, if they don't, i feel indignant and rave on about discrimination and level playing fields. and when they do, i hesitate to believe that it is even possible.

really, what do i want?

and God forbid that i use this as an advantage, a weapon to level my opponents and create my own playing field.

loved ;