Friday, April 25, 2008 6:58 PM
i can feel the gap widening.
what is happening? is it just what may warned me about previously? that all couples stop being so close and sticky after the initial period dies down? the one which wayne and lix didn't survive? or has the love simply died down?
why is it that you can say whatever you want so simply, so brutally, but i can't? aren't i supposed to be the eloquent one? or maybe i just think too much.
i don't want us to end. i really don't.
you say you don't either, but that was before. what about now? what about yesterday?
i really can't live without you. okay, i probably can but i just can't imagine that now. is this retribution? maybe i really should just tell you how i feel though i have no idea how i'm going to do that. cos i always get tongue tied, or my mind goes blank, or i'm afraid of taking up too much of your study time.
anyway why is it that i have to give you time to study but two days doesn't? and i just wonder who was the one who said that i had changed my priorities. maybe i never was important enough to be top of your list.
how could i have been so stupid?
i really don't know anymore.
i used to be so content just to sit beside you cos i could feel that even if we didn't say anything you welcomed me by your side. but now, it feels as if my place beside you is just a social obligation and nothing else. maybe it's time for me to run to my hiding place?
you denied that all you wanted was a girl by your side no matter who she was or how she was. you said that you cared, that you wanted to care. yet, you won't take the time to care. how does that work out? i still don't really understand.
why do you not want me to go to my hiding place? it's a small comfort and i've always liked little spaces like that. it's a poor imitation of my childhood hiding places under the couch, bed or table but it still gives me the much craved after solace that i need. must i always be in the choir room waiting for you during your breaks? why can't i be the one who disappears instead?
maybe you never loved me as much as i loved you. and that's why this can never fully work out. cos the unsaid law of eros is for the male to love the female more than the female loves the male. especially since girls like me think with our hearts instead of our heads.
why couldn't i have followed God's will?
Thursday, April 24, 2008 7:34 PM
and it's time to reopen this blog.
hello my secret life.
it's been a long time eh?
