it's love ;

Tuesday, October 26, 2010 9:11 PM

katie kirkpatrick, you are an inspiration to me.

i admire how you maintained your smile despite everything, how you remained strong through everything. i wish i could be like you, your smile, your perseverance, you will, your disposition.

and i do wish for a Nick too.

i think in the end, we all want someone to love us unconditionally, someone who will accept us no matter what, and i am glad that you found him. even if it were only five days, i'm sure it was already heaven to you.

and i wonder if i could ever find someone who would do that for me too, if i were terminally ill too.

but i might not be able to go through with it, knowing that i would be saddling someone with unnecessary memories. not that Nick is disadvantaged now, as i do believe that he wanted to be married to Katie, but not everyone is Nick.

basically, i do wish for a Nick

loved ;

Saturday, October 23, 2010 10:25 PM

you know how hard it is for me to make small talk. you know how hard it is for me to engage in one-sided conversations. so help me. i am making the effort. i know that you're angry with me for reasons that aren't even valid, though i can't tell you that i know that you're angry cos i'm not supposed to know. and this is just so frustrating cos i'm still trying to build a bridge out to you and you're not even trying, in fact you're pushing me away without being uncivil about it.

i don't know why i even try anymore.

this was probably a wrong decision.

so help me, Lord.

loved ;

Friday, October 22, 2010 6:41 PM

and i just realised, it has been four years.

thank you oh Lord, for preserving me till now(:

loved ;

Wednesday, October 20, 2010 10:26 PM

if the world really was so small, why have i not met you yet?

or maybe i've just been too blind to realise that you're right by my side

well, i really don't know about this but sometimes i wonder if i'm ever going to have a special someone by my side, if this is in God's plan for me. i know that i secretly (or maybe not so secretly) wish for it, but yet i cannot imagine being in a relationship, partly because i know that no matter what, i am not ready for one. and here's to being the cat lady.

and then i think back to the wedding, where once more, i wished for my own fairytale, and you were there. i hadn't thought much of you really, just oh right you're there. but that start you gave when you saw me, is this something i should be excited about?

whatever it is, the wedding is over, reality is back and you're going back to australia and i am staying here in singapore and that's that. at least i know that i still can ignite that spark every now and then. all is not lost. lol.

loved ;

Friday, October 08, 2010 8:28 PM

could someone please lift this burden off my back? or at least stay and hold my hand as i struggle through it? i'm tired of running around in circles in my head. and i know that i should look back to God but sometimes it's just so hard to leave it all up to Him. i still want things done in my own time, still want things done in my own way and i cannot see what He has in plan for me, what He wants me to do. oh Lord, please do help me.

and thank you Father, for peace.

loved ;

8:11 PM

and still, i do not trust men.

loved ;

Tuesday, October 05, 2010 12:41 PM

knowing that you have a girlfriend already just threw everything right out of balance. of course you mean nothing to me. you're just an eye candy, someone to be happy about and the fact that you're my eye candy says something about how popular you should be with the girls so really, i'm not surprised that you're already attached. in fact, i was kind of expecting it.

what really threw me off was the notion that every single eligible guy probably already is taken and what's left behind for me? it's kind of hard knowing that i might never marry nor have a boyfriend looking at singapore's statistics.

and once again, i remind myself to trust in His divine plan for me.

loved ;