it's love ;

Monday, February 28, 2011 4:43 PM

i'm sorry for not being who you want me to be. i try, i really do. but sometimes it's just so hard and at times like these, i wish that you could just tell me that it's okay, it's okay to be what i am, who i am, that whatever i have tried and done, is enough.

but i know that it never will be.

loved ;

12:30 PM

things have been moving extremely quickly the past week, both within and without. it's exciting, really. and it feels so right, somehow. but i know that i shouldn't get carried away: there still are many creases to be ironed out, all the nitty gritty little details that seem so annoying but are fundamental in any relationship. it just isn't very healthy to sweep everything under the carpet so early on. in fact it isn't good to ignore these things at all.

of course, i do want the sweetness and happiness to last, but i worry that if these things are not settled asap, they will only fester and ruin all that we currently have.

and it feels weird, blogging this way, because i know that you're on the other side, reading and listening to all i have to say. it's novel, i guess. of course, this probably has a slight censoring effect on what i say here but that is not to say that this is going to be the same as opus-no7. no, that would simply be defeating the whole point of having andveryfewtolove. so, i guess i will just try to blog in my usual vein and resist the urge to close down this blog and run straight for my pen and paper diary. haha. it's been really long since i last confided in that.

that said, i do hope that things can at least be settled so that there will actually be some sort of guarantee that the sweetness will last(:

loved ;

Thursday, February 24, 2011 10:43 PM

because you brought tears to my eyes with your simple assurances. i feel that even if all these comes to naught, this moment would still have existed, when you said that you loved me in all the ways that actually mattered to me, and everything would still have been worth it.

and because you said that good things do last, i want this to last forever < 3

loved ;

Wednesday, February 23, 2011 3:15 PM

i'm scared.

i really am. i don't want us to end. i don't want any distance between us. i'm scared of me, of what i might do, of how i might push him away. and i really don't know what's wrong with me, why can't i just confide in him? give him the reassurance he needs because it really is enough, everything he is doing, it is more than enough. because he does make the effort to get to know me, to understand what i am thinking which is everything i had ever wished for. and it's so ironic that when i meet someone who finally is, i get scared and hide in a corner. i just wish that i'll finally be able to tell him everything, really confide in him and let him understand why i do things this way.

i really should get over my fears, because i know that he is here, waiting for me and protecting me. but he might not be forever. and i do not want to lose him, because i feel safe when i'm with him and i feel that maybe this is what's meant to be. i like his way, how he is always there for me without intruding, giving me time to get over myself. and really, the only person in the way is myself.

now, why can't i just tell him all this? ><"

because, 'but actually now she say they've been fine for a year plus le, i also dont wanna ask her leh because she will start thinking about it again'

what's there not to love?

loved ;

Sunday, February 20, 2011 7:18 PM

and i am very thankful for you. it does seem like God is answering my prayers, providing me with a guy who actually cares and wants to understand me. of course, it is far too early to say if he will actually like who i am in my entirety, but it's nice to know that someone actually bothers to dig deep enough to find out my feelings and thoughts.

i do so want to give you the reassurance you need but it is so difficult on so many levels. the most obvious is the 'ban' on the speaking of familial issues. our family really is the best at not talking about our problems, thinking that this will somehow magic them away. not. haha. besides it is very difficult talking about these issues and even before the ban was instituted, i already found it extremely difficult to talk about them. now i just have an additional excuse to hide behind. convenient much? haha. still, i would really love to confide in you.

and i just might be on my way to believing(:

loved ;

Friday, February 18, 2011 10:44 PM

this marriage

may these vows and this marriage be blessed

may it be sweet milk, like wine and halva

may this marriage offer fruit and shade like the date palm

may this marriage be full of laughter

our every day a day in paradise

may this marriage be a sign of compassion

a seal of happiness, here and here after

may this marriage have a fair face and a good name

an omen that welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky

i am out of words to describe how feeling mingles in this marriage

but just why is it so difficult?

loved ;