and i'm confused as to what you want from me. do you want me or not? really don't know what to think anymore.
right after i decided to move on, you came and broke all my defenses and carefully crafted promises. and i can't believe just how easily you managed to lift me up right into cloud nine, in just about two seconds or so. it's terrible, how i am not my own person anymore, how you control me absolutely, with practically no effort on your part. it's just like gravity, keeping me without chains, holding me without touch. and it's scary. this utter lack of control on my part. i am scared. doubly so because i don't know what you want. what if, this is my own fantasy, spun out in my head?
i don't like not being in control of myself. i'm very afraid of getting hurt, of being the one who gives more, of being the one who's unable to walk away first.
and i just wish for more security to quell my fears.
