and once again, i tell myself to not fall in love. because i cannot stand the hustle and bustle, the turmoil and emotional roller coasters. because i cannot handle the overwhelming doubt and questions that will wash over me time and time again. because i cannot. i just can't.
love isn't just that sparkly feeling you get when you think of someone, it just isn't that tightening of the chest when someone looks at you, it just isn't the bubbling happiness that seems to envelop the world. it's alot of commitment and hard work, it is a giving up of self for a relationship, and your life would never be the same again. and much as i dream about the day i can finally be in real relationship, a marriage, a family, i know that the time has not come. i am not ready, to give myself up for this, to exchange my doubts and worries for a completely uncertain investment.
and i remind myself, not to fall in love.
