Saturday, August 01, 2009 5:20 PM
realisations are powerful things.
they empower people, giving rise to beautiful and terrible things all at the same time.
i'm glad i realised with full clarity my position in the family. i've always skirted around the edges, not daring to admit it openly but it's in full view now. nearly eighteen years for me to come to terms withe reality, the extent of human delusion indeed. it is sad knowing how things are and always will be whether i fight it or not. i'm not being defeatist, i'm just coming to terms with life.
you've always been much much more cunning than me, anyone can see that. i won't last a day against you, but you've been nice and have spared me for almost eighteen years. and now that you've decided to launch an offensive against me, i'm waiting alongside you, seeing how long i'll last. every minute's a small and muted victory that's marching me towards my ultimate doom. he will never help. he probably won't even realise what's happening considering that he's both stupid and deliberately ignorant of any wrongdoing you do. she will try her best to be fair and you know that. which is why you've been treading really carefully around her this time round. you know that if you want a complete victory you would need to win her over. and you have. try as she might, when the end is near, even she will be powerless as he will always have the final say.
i see my life stretching off endless into the distance. but i also see it slipping right of the precipice. life is comprised of many different choices but when all is said and done, one can only wait and see what happens.
and i wait.
