it's love ;

Friday, July 20, 2007 11:14 PM

i shouldn't keep making him suffer due to my own insecuirities. it's not his fault that they're there and it's unfair to him if i try to keep him by my side though i know that we can't really be together cos i can't put my all into this relationship. not just this relationship. but any other relationship too. i just can't bring myself to trust men.

and we all know whose fault it is.

so i can't be with him. can't keep pulling him down with me either. what with my now-i-want-you-with-me-and-now-i-don't attitude. it's just unfair to him.

so i guess i shall just do the only thing i've ever done right in this relationship and that is to let go. let him go free, free to spread his wings and fly, anywhere.

i saw you smiling to her today. maybe i'm just too oversensitive, but it was a nice smile, a sweet one. and i'm sure yall will be a good couple. much better than i could ever do. maybe i'm being selfish again, parcelling you off to someone else, but i just want you to be happy and if being with her makes you happy, i'll be happy too.

i hugged a pillar this afternoon during lang arts when i slipped out for a toilet break. hugged it for a very long time. and it was comforting. really. i guess i'm just too weak. i still am. BE STRONG. though it really is getting increasingly difficult, what with friendships threatening to break and him. thankfully i still have the pillar. at least it isn't all that fragile.

i hope.

i saw you smiling at me
was it real or just my fantasy?

loved ;