Monday, December 25, 2006 6:56 PM
merry christmas to all who reads my blog. haha.
anyway, i'm bored. i don't like myself cos i know i'm a boring person. haha. if only like i was eccentric or mad or just plain depressed. at least it'll make me more interesting as a person. like people will go, "ooh, she's mad! *whisperwhisper*" or something like that. and they'll be a lot more
friendly if i had some strange mental illness cos they're just go, "oh such a poor thing!" and be nice.
of course that's very superficial but i don't care, i'm so bored that i can't be bothered if you're sincere or not. i feel like sitting on the breakwater and watch the clouds go by. best if there's a storm. i wanted to go downstairs when it rained just now but i wasn't allowed to. poo. can't they see i'm just dying to be in the rain? i miss it. sort of.
or maybe i just have a lack of things to do.
there's like this really depressing mood hanging around me right now, so thick that i can almost touch it - is marraige really worth it? looking at my dad, no. the way he treats my mom is just oh so demeaning. eww. what happened to the man my mom fell in love with? you really wonder. marriage does that to people i guess. it just gets to tiring putting up pretences, that is if you did put up a pretence during courtship. note: pretences include hiding your bad points so don't tell me you're not guilty of that. so what's the point of marraige? the woman always suffers or so my mom says. i used to snort in disbelief at that sentence but it's coming true, every word of it. watching my dad grow worse and worse, not just to mom but to me. the only one he's civil to now is my sis but i doubt it'll last. he's like some kind of time bomb just waiting to go off.
ahh! just feeling so disillusioned now.
i had always looked forward to a nice stable marraige with lots of love and at least two kids but that seems so distant now. watching families around me disintegrate and love grow mouldy just doesn't help.
firm cheeses indurate, soft cheeses collapse. both grow mouldy. thanks flaubert for deepening my disillusionment. what is love for anyway? you can't touch it, you can't eat it. when you have it, you bloom like a spring bud but when you don't, you wither away worse than a wilted flower.
that reminds me, my aloe vera died. how sad. the monsoon season just isn't suitable for a desert plant.
i think my mood just got tangible.
