Monday, October 16, 2006 7:42 AM
urgh. my knee hurts dreadfully. i wonder why. ohwells. seeing dr tan tomorrow. hopefully i can start my treatment soon. just want to get it over and done with. who wants to live in the shadow of cancer?
i told pris and jill about my sickness while we were at forever 21 trying on stuff. i don't know why but i just blurted it out. ohwells. i really should learn how to bridle my tongue. they were like really stunned and couldn't say anything for like 5min. only after we started changing then did they ask me about it. i just told them some sketchy details and did my usual i'm not very sure myself thing. but one thing is true, the doctors don't know what to do with me. heehee. i must be quite a headache for them. sigh.
suddenly i don't think telling the class about my sickness is a good idea. the girls are like super against me for some obscure reason that i don't even know of and i can just like imagine what will happen if i tell. think along the lines of mass hysteria and mean girls. of course there will be those who will try to be nice, but to what extent can nice go? not very far actually.
it's just like at the open house. perle and stephanie kept coming over to our booth cause they had nothing to do and caitlin was there with us at the writers' circle booth. which is quite duh cause she's our pres. and so they were just like sitting on the sofa which the guys lugged down from 11 and talking to caitlin while ylynn and i just moped about reading. oh i was reading lolita. haha. quite amusing but it's quite hard to swallow especially since i haven't really read much this year. i must get back into the motions! haha. so yarh, they were just talking and using ernest's ibook. steph was quite nice. she would like look at me and smile her usual cute way but perle and caitlin just completely ignored me like i was non-existent or just a speck of dust. albeit one that read books. well, what can i say? yinhong came quite a few times too and at least she would talk to me a little. sigh. i wonder what on earth did i do to incur their irritation and wrath? they should just like have the decency to tell me what i did. like seriously.
but anyway i've become closer to ylynn through this. i think. haha. at least we wasted 7 hours of our lives away together at the open house.
i think i'm like grasping at straws here, trying to retain the last bit of goodwill that the class can offer me. and i have this sneaky feeling things won't be better next year. probably quite the opposite. sigh.
