Sunday, September 24, 2006 3:29 PM
i'm sorry.
i don't know what to think. seriously.
i'm just so tired all i can think about is sleeping and never waking up. i can't concentrate. i can't think. i can't do anything. all i feel is fatigue fatigue fatigue.
and it doesn't help that i don't tell anyone. that i pretend to be cheerful and energetic and optimistic and whatnot.
i just wish the Lord will hurry up and take me home. at least there i'll be happy all day, singing praises to His name. how wonderful that would be!
i don't praise Him enough.
it's funny how all i can think of are depressing thoughts and blank black voids when i can spend my time constructively thinking of Him. maybe i won't be so tired then.
even when i try to study i fall asleep. my brain switches off automatically after 9. can you blame me? what on earth is this fatigue? post-post-surgery fatigue? rubbish.
it's become so bad that needles and pens are heavy. typing this post requires so much effort i'm breaking out into cold sweat. what is wrong with me?
this doesn't seem like a mental breakdown. my almost breakdown last time wasn't like this. what then is this? the premature aging of my body? the shutting down of my internal systems one by one? lol.
i just want to sit against a tree and rest under the shade forever. without thinking of anything and without anything bothering me. sweet rest.
