Sunday, September 03, 2006 9:26 PM
i really do miss you. and my heart hurts just thinking about you. it really does, in this strange achy way. suprisingly, i don't hate it. this dull ache has become familiar, maybe even comforting, a pale reminder of love that once was, reduced to the ash and dust of memory. will you ever visit that attic again? will we, someday, dare to dance the steps of love together again? or will our songs never play the same tune again? i sit, and wish. upon singapore's pathetic collection of dimming stars, upon a sneeze by its own, upon a cracked note, upon a perfectly completed tray of cookies, upon a mended keychain, my mended keychain. when everything's broken and gone, maybe my wish will come true.
my small prayer will come true. one day, it will. maybe not for many years to come but it will. and the little ache in my heart will continue.
bro david and sis chiao chyi married yesterday, in a wonderfully orange wedding in the little church which we always hold our weddings in with its homely green stained glass and rusty swing and shallow pond. childhood memories mingled together with the newly found bliss of newlyweds and old. i sat in one of the pews after the crowds had filed out and grinned at no particular petal lying unwanted on the red carpet. i breathed in the just fading scent of the bride's joy and the groom's happiness. life was just unfolding for them, green and luscious like a lily bulb. i reached out and untied the gauze ribbons holding the encirclement of tulips, baby breath and leafs together. they fell, leaving the ribbon limp in my hand and the wire bracket looking foolishly forlorn and redundant on the side of the pew. i gathered the flora together into a bouquet and gathered the ribbon into an abundant bow around it. the little bunch lay on the pew in the now silent hall as i made my way out through the side door, where minimal flower arrangements stood in my way.
not that i hate flower arrangements or anything of that sort. i do love flowers. but seeing the wire restraining them, cutting into their green, fleshy stems seem like cruelty to me. aren't ribbons and sponges ever enough to retain the shape of the arrangement? it appears not to be so. after all,
the function of the sun is not to help the cabbages along.
