it's love ;

Thursday, August 24, 2006 7:13 PM

suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

it's so empty.

suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

everything's so meaningless

suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

without you

it all revolves around you

walked home today for the first time in a long long time. i thought i would be happy, but i came back depressed. i thought it would rejuvenate, but it weighed down on me even more. since when did walks become so lonely. wasn't i always alone on my walks? why does it feel so cold and empty this time? even the sunset was empty. the shadows danced in front, mocking me.

was it always this way?
the sunset so cold and alone,
the wind blowing full in my face,
but never offering comfort,
rushing past me in a never ending journey.
the oriole's call came out of the bushes
but i never saw it
not even a flash of yellow would it grant me.
its cries grew higher
and louder.
a sense of urgency and
desperation instilled into it.
a loud shriek
and silence.
even the yellow gem would not stay with me.
i struggled to hold back my tears,
my shadow mocking me all this while
as it danced through the leaf-strewn path.
i bent down
and stared at the last petals of a dying flower
broken from the day's trampling underfoot.
i gently pried it from the hard cement
and let it stand again.
but it only served to highlight its fragility.

i remember that this path
had been a path of happiness.
that bend just over there
stood as a symbol of the first cries of innocence.
the warm rays of sunset used to envelope
ever so gently
portraying two shadows
side by side in spring's interplay.
i remember, yes i do.

i remember that spring is over and summer is long gone.
the trees shake their head in realisation of
the long wait ahead
where rains will batter their leafs
and winds whip at their branches
lightning threatening even the most aged of all.

was stormy weather always so painful?
i remember a gentle caressing of water,
a steady rhythmic flow that cleanses
and refreshes.
but now, it only serves to amplify the pain

i miss you. i want you to walk with me again down that path littered with frangipanis. i want you to shout your love at that road junction again. i want you to tell your stories with the sunlight caressing your hair again. i want you to look at me straight in my eye again.

i don't want this silent barrier between us. i don't want this purposeful avoiding of eye contact. i don't want this building up of things never said. i don't want. but i know i have no right to dictate what i want or not. as i always told ylynn, it's your choice so live it to the fullest.

easier said than done.

loved ;