Saturday, August 19, 2006 11:19 PM
somehow or rather i just can't forget you. i doubt i ever will. i haven't liked a person this much before. it's scary. maybe this is love. who knows? but if it really is, then this love is pretty much lost to me. i threw it away for fear that i'll ruin it. because i'm too much of a burden. but i just can't seem to stop thinking of you. hai. i guess i'll just continue liking you secretly without you knowing anything. you may believe that i have forgotten you the moment i left but that's not true. and i don't think you will ever realise that i still have feelings for you. only donovan knows that i still like you. i don't think anyone else noticed. he didn't either. i told him. i know my acting skills are superb but i didn't realise the extent of it. well, it really does come in handy now. at least it'll be easier for you to forget me. i think you're walking away already. good job! i just knew you would be strong. forget me, i pray. i'm already slipping into the shadowy recesses of your memory and i hope that i will stay there. but i know that you will always have a special place in my heart that no one will know about. okay, maybe donovan. but i won't tell him everything. some things just cannot be shared. they are just on haloed grounds. and you will stay there blissfully.
i still sleep with all the stuffed toys you gave me except sushi. sushi is special cos he's the first ever present you gave me. but all the rest lie just beside my pillow. i even hug 牛奶 whenever i need extra comfort. even pyu-pyu who wasn't a gift from you is beside my pillow too. he's special cos you have one too. i still have all your letters. have you burnt mine? i remember i was irritated when you spelt my jap name wrongly. but i kept that letter too. the feelings then, were so pure and innocent, untainted by life's horrors. i'll like to keep a bit of that too. the hairclip you bought for me at disneyland sits on my shelf just beside my bed. whenever i can't sleep i look at it and feel comforted that you once loved me and cared for me.
all the tears i've shed in this month of seperation and those yet to come, will you still dry them away? will you still chase the clouds of gloom away from my head? i don't think so. i've got to stand on my own but i know i can't. so please allow me to just lean on your shadow, my memory of you. i won't ask for you to be by my side, i just want your shadow, so that i can remember all that we ever had and posessed. and i know that will be mine to keep.
