Thursday, July 06, 2006 12:06 AM
papa just talked to me. and for one of the few times i actually agree with him. it's funny how experiences like this will reveal alot about other people's characters. of course, i'm probably revealing mine to those around me, but i, too, am learning more about those around me. and i can really see who cares and who doesn't. all the flimsy facades hurt, much more than the scarring and the wound. but what keeps me going is the Lord and the care and concern of those who are genuinely concerned. it really is heart-warming and tear-inducing, seeing how much they try to share my burden, both emotionally and physically. and i really thank God for putting them in my life. like the aunties who visited this morning, godmama, sharon, andrea, grandparents, pastor and aunty diana, uncle khee sian, dr chua, papa, mama, ka-jie, and many, many more. maybe even some whom i don't know. n can you believe it? andrea's a new christian! yuppz. she converted. i'm just so happy for her.(: hope she can continue in her daily walk with God. she's a bai ka too like me! lol. that is so mean. she fractured her leg earlier in the year. but she can walk properly already. just a little slow. so she walks with me.(: and sharon who being her nice self walks with us. i just love the two of them. can't help it. they're just so much more real than *ahem* and the rest. of course these people do care a little, but sometimes it just seems so fake. and fragile, like paper. so thank the Lord i guess. for this illness that reveals the hearts of many.(:
God has a plan for all of us. and i believe this illness is part of His plan for me. how exciting! i just keep wondering how He will use me. maybe He will use me without me even realising. haha. i'm just that blur. but i think that'll be much nicer than actually knowing. i like doing things unknowingly. it seems so much closer to the heart right?(:
dr tan says that there will be alot of scarring. i probably won't be able to use my leg properly anymore. but i believe that the Lord will guide me through. i know people will leave me. people whom i thought i could trust. people, whom i love. but i know that that will just be like refining fire. and those trials will just be like burning the dross away from the gold, so i can be pure and acceptable in His sight. how amazing how God let sis jo share that during sunday school last sunday. and it was just when i needed it! such comfort in times of need.(: so i may lose friends, but i trust in Him to provide, and i'm sure that He will. He will provide me with friends. true friends that won't leave me in trials and tribulations, who will help me in my christian walk with God, who will rebuke me when i go astray. i really need friends like that. and they're so few and far between! but i trust in the Lord, for He is my very Best Friend!(: and maybe, i'll meet mr right (so cliche!) and may he be a God-fearing man. please please please. i don't think *ahem2* is mr right. at least not at the present. hes not exactly God-fearing. i think thomas could do better. haha. not that i like him. no thank you. heex.
actually, i've really come to believe that this illness IS a blessing. i'm not trying to convince myself this time round. i really do believe that. i mean, when you weigh the pros and cons, the cons actually seem negligible! now how's that?(:
